


almost

by belgiques



Series: almost, maybe, definitely [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: AU after 3x04, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Momma May and Daddy Coulson, Parents of SHIELD, Skye/Daisy and Mack are co-captains of the FitzSimmons ship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-27
Updated: 2015-11-13
Packaged: 2018-04-28 13:06:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5091866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/belgiques/pseuds/belgiques
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From “Almost” by Lang Leav:<br/>“But we were a maybe<br/>and never a must<br/>when it should have been us.”</p><p>Before and after Jemma's stay on the alien planet. Fitz is there for her the entire time, because duh, where else would he be?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Before

**Author's Note:**

> This was something I needed to write down before it disappeared. First chapter is mostly introspective, the second will be a bit more active. Hope you enjoy! Drop a comment if you want to :)

What she said to Bobbi once upon a time—before the underground city, before Inhumans, before Trip—had been true. She had never thought about her and Fitz in  _that_  way, or at least not in a way she'd ever pursue. There had always been too much stake: her best friend, academic partner, the only equal in her life. Besides, at that age she hadn't really been interested in a boyfriend—she could invest her time more appropriately in her studies, thank you very much, and she had enough friends (eventually) to not feel lonely. And then later, well. Let's just say she chose a different type of man so she could continue to not see what was right in front of her.

But Ward messed up their lives and messed up them and everything got confusing and everything hurt. She chose not to think about his words to her when he was her lifeline and he wouldn't let her be his, because neither of them knew where they stood and neither of them had the nerve to ask.

But after everything, ever since that talk with Bobbi, she couldn't  _stop_  thinking about it. The stakes were still high, maybe even higher, but the difference was that she just cared less about them. Everything had already gone to hell, so what harm could thinking about it do? Surely that had been their rock bottom?

She gave him space because that's what he'd asked, and deep down she knew they both needed it, but that didn't mean she had to like it. She both resented and was grateful for Mack, who'd taken her best friend under his wing and treated him just like anybody else, something she just couldn't seem to do. And then Gonzalez came, and for a few days they were united again, standing up for Coulson and even faking an argument so Fitz could get out. (She tries not to think about the fact that it worked because them arguing is what everybody had come to expect.) But it doesn't matter to her anyway, because from the moment he laid his hand on top of hers, the ember that had been simmering in her chest had grown into a flame, and she was pretty sure nobody would be able to put it out.

And somewhere along the way, he'd improved immensely and she could see the way he grew more confident with himself, and even though Jemma Simmons cursed Grant Ward to hell and back for what he'd done, she would go and get him herself only to show him, "He beat you." Fitz beat them all.

She'd never been so proud of him.

Bobbi getting shot wasn't just a wake-up call for Lance. She watched the most volatile and complicated couple in the history of the world drop all pretenses and decide that none of it was worth it if the person you loved wasn't there by your side. So she helped her friend by treating her, and then she helped her other friend by squeezing his shoulder in comfort and clearing the room for him. She set out to find her other half.

The tears were still staining her cheeks when she ran—almost literally—into Mack in the corridor. 

"Hey, Simmons, you okay?"

She furiously wiped the tears from her cheeks and put on her best fake smile. She was getting good at that. "I'm fine."

"You don't look it. This have something to do with Fitz?"

"No." Yes. She'd just told her best friend there's something to talk about between them—she's probably in love with him, okay?!—and he didn't even react. Well, to be fair, most of that was Coulson's fault. She'd just bared her soul and that fact had caught up with her immediately after Fitz had gone. She'd just sat there for fifteen minutes, trying to get her heart back under control.

But she needed him to know. Before he went off to help save the day. Mack looked at her suspiciously, and she was seriously starting to wonder if he was a psychic of some kind, or just really good at reading people.

"I'll take care of him. Don't worry. He, uh, just told me you guys have a conversation to finish."

Jemma looked at her teammate in alarm, but he just  _smiled_. "He didn't tell me anything else. But I'm pretty sure I can imagine what conversation that is, and most of all, where it'll be going. And you should too," he added, rubbing her upper arm in comfort.

She couldn't stop the smile from gracing her face as well. "Thanks, Mack."

The next time she has the time to think straight again is when everyone is back safely and she's helping Skye with the endless reports on damage, scene descriptions and the like. Jemma hopes that she'll be able to keep her friend's mind off the fact she'll have to write a report on her mother's death soon. In turn, the biochemist hopes this will be able to distract her from the thoughts swirling around her mind. Namely, thoughts about the looks Fitz has been giving her lately. And perhaps, the ones she's been giving him in return.

It's been nearly a week since her 'confession' and she's almost reached the end of her thether. She doesn't know whether Fitz has changed his mind—though to be honest, she doesn't really believe that—or he's being the ever-thoughtful and unsuspecting unicorn again and doesn't get that the ball is in his court now, sort of. She sighs sufferingly, because this is getting ridiculous, they should just be able to come out and talk about it, and she's encouraging herself to get up and do just that, but then she's distracted by Skye  _chuckling_  at her.

She turns towards her friend and narrows her eyes. The brunette narrows hers playfully in return. "Jemma, if you're going to sigh any more, we might get carbon monoxide poisoning in here. This space is like the size of a broom closet."

Jemma looks as busted as can be, and she figures she can just ask her friend for some advice. It couldn't hurt, right?

"I'm sorry, Skye, it's just—"

"Fitz." Jemma glances at her in surprise. Skye chuckles again, shaking her head lightly. "Come on, Simmons, you two have been walking on eggshells all week. What's up?"

"Well... I might've...," she hesitates, suddenly realising she is actually going to say it out loud, "I told Fitz we need to talk about what he said to me in the med pod. As in  _talk_  talk."

Skye takes a second to process this and then her face breaks out into a huge smile. "Really?"

The biochemist nods and can't keep her face even either. "Problem is we haven't."

"When did you tell him?"

"Last week, uh, before he left to find Gordon with Mack and Coulson."

"Jemma," she replies, tone flat.

"Skye?"

"You basically told him you return his feelings in another life threatening situation?! What's wrong with you two?!"

Jemma looks a bit indignant for a moment and sputters, "I mean—I can't help it if that's the time I usually muster up enough courage to make meaningful declarations!"

"Oh honey," Skye admonishes her, "he probably thinks you've changed your mind by now. You know, heat of the moment and all that."

"He should know better than that by now, the considerate knob!"

Skye promptly bursts into laughter so refreshing that she forgets the fact that one of her best friends is laughing at her and her relationship antics.

"Just keep giving him the bedroom eyes like you've been doing all week and eventually he'll get the hint."

Jemma is about to protest when Skye interrupts her again, placing one hand on hers. "You'll be fine, Jemma. Just give him some time. He'll ask."

"He better," she replied quietly.

"Also, let me know when you guys will be starting to make out everywhere so I can conveniently shield my eyes at the appropriate time."

"I'm never talking to you about this again," Jemma tells her seriously, grumbling. It doesn't quite have the intended effect when mixed with Skye's laughter.

But behind the door, Fitz had been hovering with his hand over the door. He's heard enough. Time to find Mack and make up a plan.

So when he gets her alone and finally,  _finally_  asks her out, she's pretty much stunned speechless nonetheless and can barely manage an underwhelming "Oh", but she hopes the smile on her face says enough. It's finally happening. 

\---

You know what she said before about rock bottom? She'd been wrong. Turned out an actual  _rock_  would be exactly that. 


	2. After

After all this time, Fitz has learned not to expect anything. And life has pretty much taught him to hold his horses and count his blessings when he has them.

Case in point: he should be happy that Jemma's back on Earth. And of course he is, there's no doubt about it. But can't life just cut them some slack? Because he just spent six months trying to get her back, beating the odds and going up against everyone and everything—including the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D, who would've ever thought that? It's become pretty clear to him now that when it concerns Jemma, he'll pretty much do everything in his power, and even go beyond that.

Right now, she's finally sleeping, and he's sitting beside her bed, trying not to fidget and check on her breathing every few seconds. She'd lost conciousness almost immediately after seeing her friends around her, and he was glad that she had felt safe enough to leave them to care for her. He hadn't let go of her hand the entire time of the flight back to the base, and the rest of the team had hovered in and out, as if they were also scared she might just disappear before their very eyes.

He still needs to remind himself that he pulled her out of there single-handedly and that it was indeed very real.

Also, he might have to work on not feeling on edge  _without_  her. He would need to give her some space to heal, and God knows he would never want to crowd her, but he couldn't give her the impression that she was alone. 

He'd been a pacing and fidgeting mess when Daisy and Bobbi had taken her away to get her to shower and generally make her feel more like a human being again. Rightfully anxious, it turned out, because after about 15 minutes, Daisy came running into his room calling his name.

"It's Jemma. She needs you."

Bobbi was trying to calm down the frantic biochemist when he got there, both women huddled on the floor under the spray of the running shower. Jemma had a towel wrapped around her and was breathing heavily, shrinking in on herself.

"What happened?"

Bobbi shook her head, a helpless look on her face. "I don't—she was doing fine until just now."

"I think her reflection upset her," Daisy guessed. "I mean, she hasn't been near a mirror in six months. It might've triggered something."

Fitz sighed in defeat at his best friend's vulnerable stance, heart aching for her once again. He'd seen her cry a number of times, and in a state of vulnerability probably an equal amount, but  _this_ , so disconnected from all of them, that hurt like it never had before.

"It's okay," he told the female agents, "I'll take it from here."

Both of them seemed at a loss what to do with themselves, so instead of reaching out to Jemma, Daisy squeezed his shoulder and closed the bathroom door shut behind her. Still on the other side of the room, Fitz cleared his throat to remind Jemma of his presence and he grabbed another towel from the bench beside the shower, as the one Jemma had wrapped around her was soaked through.

"Jemma?" he tried, voice as gentle as he could manage.

Jemma closed her eyes tightly and shook her head fiercely. "I just need to be alone for a while, Fitz."

"I understand," he replied, slowly stepping closer, "and I'll go as soon as you come out from under that water. I don't want you to get sick."

In truth, he didn't want to leave her at all, but maybe by giving in to her, she might actually open up to him. This was the first bit of emotion she had shown since that small smile she'd given him when she had realized he'd been beside her in that pit. That had been the happiest he'd felt in a long time, and he hoped that he would be able to make her smile again soon, that unaffected, sincere, rainbows-and-butterflies smile that made him glow on the inside every time.

But Jemma Simmons had always been the suffer-in-silence type, ever since the Academy. And Fitz knew that if he let her revert back to that old habit, she would never heal properly. He at least had to try.

"Do you maybe want to tell me what happened just now?" he tried, looking around to see if he could shut off the shower any other way. Steam was filling the room, so he really hoped the water wasn't scalding hot.

She shook her head again in response, her hands gripping the towel as she hugged herself. "Nothing."

He bit his lip, willing himself to shut up, though she couldn't see it.

She sighed, then relented. "I was just a bit overwhelmed, is all. It's... strange being back. I just need to adjust."

"That's perfectly natural, Jemma. But Daisy and Bobbi were only trying to help you."

"I know that," she shot back, an edge to her voice, "I just didn't need them to. Please don't treat me like I'm made of glass, Fitz."

"I'm sorry," he told her, frustrated with himself, feeling powerless. "I know, I just... I don't want to make it worse."

"Oh, Fitz," she said after a few seconds, her voice breaking; his eyes shot up to finally meet hers, noticing the barely-there teary-eyed smile. "You never make it worse," she added quietly.

That simple sentence made his heart clench, the "oh, Fitz" that was usually accompanied by exasperation on her part. She seemed to realise it too, because in an instant, her face crumpled and tears started falling down her cheeks. He reacted as fast as his mind would allow, stepping into the shower—pleasantly warm—and wrapping his arms—the  _towel_ —around her tightly. To his surprise, she angled herself to him, dropping her head on his shoulder and grabbing the front of his shirt.

"I'm not okay, Fitz," she sobbed, her entire body shaking against him. He was suddenly grateful for the water raining down on them; at least she wouldn't see the tears he couldn't hold in any longer. He couldn't bring himself to give her platitudes, no "you will be" or "everything will be fine", because he didn't know whether it would be. He could only hope. So he settled for the only truth he had.

"I know, Jemma," he told her, tightening his grip on her shoulders when she burrowed even closer. "But I'm here."

They sat there for what seemed like hours before she had calmed down enough to finish her shower—with him waiting just outside the bathroom door, just in case. And now she was sleeping. At last.

But that display of emotion is the last he sees for a while, as he'd feared. She's wanted to be alone for a couple of days now, and Fitz feels like they're back to the drawing board. In turn, his mood becomes worse every day, even though he knows Jemma has been seeing dr. Garner for most of those days. That feeling of helplessness overwhelms him again, and of course Coulson picks up on it. He kind of thinks everyone does.

So on day six, he gets cornered by the Director. Even worse,  _May_  is there too, suddenly back from her trip with Andrew, it seems. He beams at her regardless, happy to see her. She smiles back for a second before Coulson clears his throat and she gets back to business.

"Fitz, a word," she says, and he follows her meekly to Coulson's office, fully expecting the 'get-your-head-in-the-game' speech. It doesn't quite turn out like that.

"I want to apologise," Coulson starts, and the engineer has to physically restrain himself from gaping at both of his superiors. "I shouldn't have given up on Jemma."

That silences him for a second. The conversation he'd had with the Director before he'd gone to attempt to shoot the Monolith apart was still seared into his brain, even though he'd very much like to erase it. Nevertheless...

"You didn't," he counters firmly, not wanting Coulson to go down this road. The two older agents exchange a telling look (and Daisy thought he and Jemma were psychically linked), and is that possibly pride he sees there? He shakes his head to keep on track. "You were being reasonable, and I was being reckless. I know that. But I couldn't let her go without knowing."

"It speaks volumes of the type of man you are that you would say that, Fitz," Coulson replies. "But still, I know Jemma wouldn't have given up on me if the roles had been reversed. So I want you to know I regret that immensely. I'll be telling Simmons that when she's ready to hear it."

Fitz nods in acknowledgement, thinking that was it. It definitely wasn't.

"I'm angry at myself for not being here," May says abruptly, fixing him with a tense but determined look. "I would've helped you in Morocco. Given you hell about it, too, but I would've gone with you."

May's words move him more than he was prepared for. He's always know that both of the agents in front of him are deeply loyal people, but usually so reserved that this entire conversation takes him completely off guard. He smiles gently at May and her eyes soften considerably.

"Someone recently told me," Coulson continued, glancing at the woman beside him, "that I haven't really dealt with what happened to me, and I don't want that to happen to Jemma."

"We both know what that's like," May adds, and Fitz is getting sort of suspicious as Coulson seems to be turning into the nervous wreck Fitz usually is around Jemma.

"And now that you and Simmons are—uh—getting along better again..." he trails off, fidgeting with his prosthetic hand. May rolls her eyes at the Director's uncomfortable facial expressions and jumps in.

"What Coulson's trying to say is that we can see what's going on."

Fitz gulps. "It's—I'm—that's not... What?"

Coulson exhales and drops his head for a moment, as if this was the most difficult conversation he'd had in a while. Fitz understands the feeling.

"It's not because you two went through a rough patch that we couldn't see you were still the only thing the other cared about. And I just  _knew_  I had interrupted something in the locker room that day."

May carefully raises an eyebrow at him. "Okay, after Mack told me so," Coulson admits grudgingly. "The point is... S.H.I.E.L.D.'s not going to stand in your way."

At this point, Fitz definitely thinks he's having some kind of out-of-body experience or has landed in a parallel universe where nothing makes sense.

"In the way of... What, exactly?" he tries, hoping that this isn't something they're actually discussing, like a couple of parents having the talk with their son.  May now rolls her eyes at  _him_.

"The fact that you're in love with Simmons and that one day soon, she's going to realise and admit she's in love with you too," she fills in, as straightforward as always, and Fitz chokes on air, his whole face close to bursting into flames. So, yep, they're definitely discussing this.

"I don't—"

"You do know that I run a spy agency, right, Fitz?"

He nods numbly.

"Well then. Don't try to deny it. I mean, you've been holding hands in the lab. It's pretty clear how you feel, Fitz."

Of course, now that he wants it to, the ground just won't open up and swallow him.

"I'm not going to...  _do_  anything, you know. Not for a while," Fitz manages to clarify, looking anywhere but at his bosses-slash-friends.

"No, that's good. You definitely shouldn't for now... Right?" Coulson asks May, who this time raises two eyebrows at him. "No, definitely not."

"But when either of you does, you won't hear anything from us," May sums up, leaving Fitz speechless and stunned and thoroughly uncomfortable. He just sits there for a few minutes. So that means that. Everyone knows he's in love with Jemma. Great. Now he just needs  _her_  to know.

He remains seated until he can't handle Coulson and May's observant stares anymore and asks, "Can I go now?"

Coulson visibly relaxes and all but exclaims, "Oh God, yes, you can. Go."

"Phil," May admonishes, as Fitz speed walks to leave the office. 

With his hand on the doorknob, he turns back around and rubs his neck with the other. "Thanks," he says bashfully.

"You're welcome. Good luck," Coulson tells him, keeping the "it's women, you'll need it" that the tone warrants to himself. Fitz can't help but admire the man's courage when he sees May's death stare fixed on him.

"And you know, just be careful. On  _all_  levels. I'm too young to be a grandfather," he adds, and the scary part is Fitz doesn't know if the Director is being serious or not. He cringes visibly.

"Phil!" May groans,  _really_  groans. This is so far from his comfort zone that he feels he might never recover. Now they were having the  _actual_  Talk, Lord almighty.

"What?! I'm just saying!"

The engineer is out the door before anyone says anything even more embarrassing.

And after that he somehow manages to pull himself together and takes Jemma out for dinner after Bobbi gives him the idea, and he's a fumbling mess again, but on the inside now. He actually manages to hide it from her, he thinks. The way she's looking at him makes his skin feel warm in a very pleasant way, and so this might actually be going well?

But then her smile falters and he moves closer; soon she's crying on his shoulder for the second time since she's been back, and well, he just had to jinx it, didn't he? Or maybe Coulson and May did.

Still, the fact that she still trusts him enough to be so vulnerable around him makes him believe that they'll be alright, sooner or later. And while he's glad—and  _terrified_ —that he's gotten May and Coulson's blessing or something; for now, that's nowhere near important.

Leo Fitz has been Jemma Simmons' friend for so long that he'll never stop being that first and foremost.

 

**Author's Note:**

> You can always send me prompts or things you'd like to read! I love writing comedy, but the ideas don't come that easily to me ;)


End file.
